Looking Back: No Words

I can not find the words tonight...

I try to find words to explain how I feel and I can't.
I can't speak when all I can do is cry.
It's hard to act normal when all I do is live in fear.
I replay the memories of this nightmare over in my head like a bad dream.
There are days when I wake up and think... it must have all been a bad dream.. it has to be.
And everyday.. I am thoroughly reminded this is my life.
This is my baby's life.
I hurt because I can not make her better.
I can not change what she has been born with.
I can only try my best to make it better for her.
To help her.
To accept what we have been given.
I try every day to accept all this.
I ache all the time.
Some days I ache less...some days I ache more.
Either way... its always there.
I am always reminded...so I will never forget.
I cope so I don't fall apart.
I am strong because my baby needs me.
I watch her breathe...and I am content.