Coping With LM, Inc. Blog: Waiting to outgrow it, again.

As soon as I saw the pink plus sign on the pregnancy test last late August... my first thought was: please do not have LM. As my bump grew, the overwhelming fear of having another child with laryngomalacia grew.I would randomly stop and ask my friends and family... do you think this baby will have LM? I was constantly looking for reassurance that this new life would not have the defect that nearly killed Seraphina. I would lay in bed at night, thinking.. what if this happens again. How would I possibly do it... again? How would I survive...again?

I forced myself to remain positive. For it was out of my hands. I put faith into the idea that if I was given another floppy larynx baby... it was not because I did something wrong, I failed at making a healthy baby... but because Someone knew I was capable of taking care, loving and enjoying such a precious, special life.

On April 21, 2012 Maximus Daniel came into this world. Born at a healthy (and heavy) 8lbs 14oz, 21 inches long. A beautiful miracle and the perfect addition our family. Big sisters Lilli and Seraphina are totally head over heels in love.
Seraphina calls him, "Maxy and Baby Brother" haha

Soon after his birth, Max developed a stridor. I was again told, it was "normal newborn congestion." He showed no signs of distress or trouble nursing so I trusted that... this time... it was simply congestion.

As weeks pasted that overwhelming ache in my heart came back. The same ache I had when Seraphina was born. I knew.

I knew he had LM.

After he nursed I would lay him on my chest to burp.. and I could hear it. The floppiness.
I made an appointment with our ENT.... I used Lilli needing her ear tubes check as an excuse to go down to the office. I needed the doctor to tell me, he DIDN'T have LM.
I needed him to tell me... my motherly instinct was...wrong.

On June 28th Max was diagnosed with laryngomalacia.

In every situation there is good despite how dark it may be.You have a choice to let something destroy you... or to let it empower you.

The good is that Max's LM is not that severe. He does have a stridor, some gasping and reflux... but as of now, will not need surgery.

So here we are... waiting to outgrow it...again.

There is a difference this time around though... and that is... I have Hope. I have Hope everything will be okay... I will survive, Max will be just fine and although I sometimes think differently... I do have strength to do it, again.

And you know what?

I love him. All of him. Floppy larynx and all.