Living In the Moment

One of my 2013 New Years Resolutions was to organize all my pictures.  I had a box of memory cards full of pictures and videos that I hadn’t done anything with. Shortly after the New Year began I sat down to tackle the project I had been putting off since June of 2010. You see, I stopped caring about pictures after Seraphina had her surgery. Up until then, I had documented--Martha Stewart Style--everything. Danny and I dating, moving into our apartment, pregnancies, births, first baths. It was all organized neatly...in chronological  order... on display in our bedroom for anyone who wished to see. Then Laryngomalacia was thrown into the mix and suddenly there was no time for monthly photo shoots on Nana’s handmade blanket or ink footprints every three months in the baby book.

Time went on and pictures were taken... not like they were though... these pictures were proof life was hard. They are were... for  a lack of a better word, sad.

As I uploaded the pictures my stomach began to sink. I missed it, I thought. Life ran through my fingers and I was too overwhelmed to even notice. Seraphina’s first steps, Christmas, Lilli’s first dance class. All moments that I knew were but now vaguely remember. Two and half years of our lives are now missing puzzle pieces in our life photo album.

Before the upload was complete, I stopped. I couldn’t do it anymore and frankly, I didn’t want too. Looking at those pictures brought me right back to it all. To a place that I have tried so very hard to forget. And then it hit me. Laryngomalacia or not ...this is life. If you blink too long, dwell on the negative... cry instead of laugh... you will miss it.

I missed Seraphina being a baby and it hurts, a lot.  I hope someday she can understand why her baby book isn’t complete. Why her memory box is full of hospital bracelets. But most importantly... why I am so dedicated with living in the moment, now.

My children will not always mispronounce the word hungry (I’m hungee Mommy!). That playroom I dread cleaning every night will soon be a teenage boy's room with a “knock before you enter” sign hung directly in sight. That rocking chair I have spent sooo many hours in will be collecting dust in our attic. Those fabulous princess dress up shoes will be traded in for prom heels.

Before I know it, I will be sitting alone in this house looking at pictures from those monthly photo shoots on Nana’s blanket, first steps, trips to the zoo... smiling on how blessed I was. The pictures of Seraphina’s surgery will fall out of the box...oh here they are, I will say.... good really does follow the bad, now doesn’t it?

Breathe Easy,
Stephanie Hueston
CWL Founder & President

(c) Coping With Laryngomalacia, Inc. 2010-2013